So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
