Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
