I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
