Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
