roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
