Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you will always have a special place in my vag
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
