So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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