That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
