Farmville is her only friend.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
