I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
