apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
