i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
