Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
