can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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