He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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