we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
