I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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