your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
