That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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