I look better un-naked...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
