Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
me + whiskey = a bad person
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
