so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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