I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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