***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
