Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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