When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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