I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
