Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
