The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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