roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is Oprah even human
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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