i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish you could order shots online.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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