she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
