we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
