My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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