I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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