I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
