U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
