how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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