sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
