there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
