I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
