i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
