I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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