just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
