Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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