i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
