and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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