I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
