My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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