Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i believe in u and ur pee
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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