Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
