he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
